


080. Why - Make You Stay

by Arok88



Series: The 100 [5]
Category: Backstreet Boys, Popslash
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:27:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28819980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arok88/pseuds/Arok88
Summary: Tell me what I gotta do to make you stay...
Relationships: Nick Carter/Kevin Richardson
Series: The 100 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2092305
Kudos: 4





	080. Why - Make You Stay

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Make You Stay by Josh Kerr

We both know I talk too much  
The little things start adding up  
I push you to an overreaction

-

"Why are you so damn immature all the time. Jesus I asked you to give me ten minutes. Can you not act your age for once?" 

Kevin regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. He felt his young lover stiffen and pull back from him. Where moments ago he had sat nestled in between Kevin's thighs he had now sprang up from the couch and was standing, his face crestfallen, in front of him. 

"Nick," Kevin started trying to sit up on the couch. 

Nick held up his hands to stop him from speaking. "Don't. Just don't. Obviously this is something you've been thinking for some time, so you know what, I'll take my immature self out of this equation and you won't have to deal with my childishness any longer." 

Before Kevin could even make a move Nick had turned on his heel and fled the room. Kevin put his laptop and paperwork on the coffee table, the work that had been so important and had caused him to lose his patience was now long forgotten. 

By the time Kevin had made it to the doorway of the den he felt, rather than heard the slamming of the front door. Nick had pulled it so hard behind him the picture frames in the room rattled on the wall. He sighed heavily. He'd really messed up this time. He knew Nick would be gone by the time he reached the door but he still went anyway, crossing to the front door as quickly as he could. Once outside his heart fell as the space that had once held Nick's truck was now empty. He closed his eyes and allowed the cool night air to embrace him. Why did he open his mouth out of anger and frustration instead of taking a second to breathe before lashing out at the younger man. Why had he even lost his temper in the first place? All Nick had wanted was attention, some affection. But instead of giving it willingly, he had gotten frustrated by the interruption and had said the first thing that popped out of his mouth. He hadn't even taken a second to edit himself so he didn't hurt the other man. And for the love of god, why did he have to say the one thing that would have set Nick off. He sighed heavily and turned back towards the house. The only thing he could do now was wait for Nick to return and hope to god he would let Kevin make it up to him. 

-  
You take a drive, I give you space  
And then I overcompensate  
Come back and act like it never happened  
-

Kevin paced the bedroom for the better part of an hour. It was almost three and there had still been no word from Nick. Kevin had tried calling him a couple of times but the phone went directly to voicemail. He was either screening Kevin’s calls or he had shut the entire thing off. Kevin wasn’t sure which option was better at this point. He alternated between pacing the room and peering out of the bedroom window that overlooked the driveway. He kept hoping that one time he peeled back the curtain that Nick’s truck would be sitting outside. So far, the hope that he was coming back soon was dimming. Kevin had kicked himself mentally so many times since Nick left. What was he going to do if Nick didn’t come back? 

Consciously he knew Nick would eventually have to come back. When they had moved in together, Nick had moved all his things here. There was nowhere else for him to go except a hotel. He would eventually have to come home. Kevin could only hope he was less angry and willing to listen to Kevin beg for forgiveness when he finally walked in the door. Kevin was determined that if Nick would just listen, give him another chance, that he would do everything in his power to keep from losing his temper with the younger man ever again. 

Sure they had fought several times in the past, but didn’t most couples. Usually when they got in a spat or an argument Nick would take off for a drive and then return an hour or so later and they would either make up immediately, more often than not, passionately. Or other times they would pretend the whole thing never happened until one of them would quietly apologize and the whole issue was forgotten. There had never been a time, or an argument that kept Nick out all night. Kevin checked his watch again. It had been more than six hours since Nick had originally left. He felt his stomach churn. What if this really was it, what if this time he’d finally pushed Nick too far, hurt his feelings too much?

He laid his forehead against the cool glass of the window pane. The porch and garage lights were both on, illuminating the driveway. From his vantage point he could see the entire driveway as well as the beginning of the little road in front of the house. All were dark. He kept praying to see headlights, a signal that Nick was coming back to him. Instead the darkness only seemed to settle in further, refusing to leave. He felt the same darkness settle around him. Without Nick with him, everything was darkness. Why did it always take arguments like this to make it so painfully obvious how much he needed Nick. Why? 

-  
I'm always speaking words I should have left unspoken  
Say it's 'cause I'm broken  
Blame in on the heat of the moment, but  
-

The bad thing was they'd had this discussion once before. Kevin knew that was the crux of Nick’s anger this time. Nick despised being called immature and treated like he was still a child. Kevin had made the mistake of calling him that once at the beginning of their relationship. While Nick hadn’t gotten quite as upset then, he had made it painfully clear how much that word and Kevin’s actions had hurt him. 

Both times Kevin hadn't really meant what he'd said. He didn't see Nick as immature any longer. Sure when he was a kid and they were just starting out that word had danced around in his head quite often. More often than not he was telling Nick how immature he was, and he had been when he was 13. Nick had grown up, beautifully, Kevin might add. He was kind, caring, loving and passionate and everything Kevin had ever wanted. He'd tried to get that point across as well, tried to make Nick see that he thought of him as a partner, a lover, someone he wanted to spend his entire life with. But then he messed it all up by yelling out things that were hurtful in the heat of the moment. 

He still didn't understand this about himself. He'd always had a horrible temper, oftentimes flying off the handle for no or barely any reason at all. He'd tried several different things to reel it in, especially where the younger man was concerned. He knew that the person you loved the most often had the ability to push your buttons worse than anyone else. All he could do was apologize, beg Nick for forgiveness and hope to God there was a way to make this right. 

-  
I don't want you to go  
I don't wanna be alone  
What I said it was stupid I know  
I didn't mean for your heart to break  
Tell me what I gotta do to make you stay  
-

Kevin closed the curtain and closed his eyes. It was so late and his stress level was high. It felt like grains of sand were permanently stuck in his eyes. He rubbed them gently and then glanced around the room. There was no way he could sleep in here tonight, not without Nick back home. Kevin had not spent one night alone in this bed, this house since he and Nick had moved in and he wasn't going to sleep in here alone. He quickly changed into pajama pants and one of Nick's Buccaneers t-shirts. He went back downstairs to the den and settled on the couch. While this room didn't offer a view outside, he would still be able to hear the door when Nick came home. God, what if he didn't? The tears returned as all his fears began to bubble up to the surface. Why hadn't he at least called to let him know he was safe? 

Kevin picked up the phone from where he had left it on the coffee table. Turning it on he frowned. Still no message or call from Nick. He dialed the familiar number quickly, holding his breath for a response. He cursed as the line went straight to voicemail again. 

-  
And it might be a lie  
But say that we're fine  
Tell me that it's gonna be alright  
Before you leave baby please just wait  
Tell me what I gotta do to make you stay  
-

Why had he not done more to make Nick stay? They should have talked about this. Even if Nick was mad at him they should have at least had a conversation before he let Nick leave. Right now he had no idea where Nick's head was or even where Nick was at all. He could be hurt. Why wouldn't he at least call and let Kevin know he was okay? All he wanted to hear was Nick saying everything was okay, that they were fine. They said that a lot to each other, even if sometimes it was a lie at the time. Somehow, someway, it never ended up being an actual lie because they always worked at this, worked together. 

When their relationship first stated Nick had still been pretty young, barely even 21. Nick had never been in a serious, long-term relationship and while Kevin had, none of them had ever really been successful. They were figuring it out together, finding each other and themselves and discovering what it was they both needed to make this work. The best part of it had always been that they loved each other so much that nothing else in life mattered. No matter how stained things between them got, they were both always committed to working through it and finding a resolution. He knew they could do it again. 

He settled back against the couch and closed his eyes. He made another promise to himself and to Nick that he would never let Nick leave again without knowing how much he loved and needed him, regardless of the fight or argument. Why hadn't he said that? Why had he just sat there mute while he watched Nick's heart break? Because he was a bastard. 

-  
I'm so good at self sabotage  
I'm sorry that I piss you off  
You're everything that I've ever wanted  
-

He opened his eyes, the green orbs settling in his laptop. Why had he even been so wrapped up in work in the first place? For the life of him he couldn't even remember any more. He had promised to spend time with Nick that evening. They had both been so busy the last few days that they had barely spent any time at all together. He had decided to work for an hour or so that had quickly spiraled into two and then three. By the time Nick had interrupted him, he'd been at it for close to five hours. No wonder Nick had gotten so upset. Why couldn't he for once, put Nick ahead of everything else in life and give him the few simple things he wanted and needed. Like love and affection. He really was a selfish bastard. 

He didn't think that Nick's master plan had been to make Kevin reflect and think so much by being gone for so long, but it was exactly what had happened. Now more than ever Kevin was determined that if Nick would forgive him this time that he would do everything in his power to make Nick feel loved and respected. 

Visions of all of their times together danced in his head. The day they moved into this house drifted into his mind They had been so happy and full of love. They had made love in every room of the house that weekend, wanting to christen it, making the place truly theirs. It seemed like a lifetime ago but had really only been a year. Every moment he spent with Nick was one that he cherished. Why had he not done a good enough job making sure Nick knew that? He knew the younger man had built up so many insecurities over the years and Kevin had been working hard to try to ease each and every one of them. But then he would do something stupid like this that would only solidify in Nick’s mind his worthlessness, and make the insecurities come screaming right back to the forefront of his mind. Kevin truly hated himself at that moment. 

A quick glance at the wall informed him it was well after four. As much as he wanted to be awake when Nick finally came home, the exhaustion was weighing down heavily on him and he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. He prayed as he drifted off that somehow, he could fix all of this in the morning. 

-  
I'm scared that you'll wake up  
And not wanna make up  
From the fight the night before  
And you'll say its goodbye  
And you'll mean it this time  
But I'll always be yours  
-

Kevin blinked his eyes a couple of times as the last remnants of sleep drifted away from him. He was confused at first, not sure where he was or what was going on. He laid there for several moments before he realized he was on the couch in the den. Pushing up from the position he was in he cracked his neck and rubbed the back of his head, the ache in his joints from the uncomfortableness of the couch were intense. He glanced around the room, trying desperately to shake away the cobwebs in his head and understand what was happening. Then suddenly, like being hit by a Mack truck, the events of the previous evening slammed back into his mind. His hatefulness, their argument, Nick leaving. Oh god, was Nick still gone? He picked up his phone and sighed heavily, there were no new notifications, no calls or texts at all. He stood on shaky legs and made his way through the first floor of the house towards the front door. Opening the door gingerly he braced himself for what he could find on the other side. He had no idea what he would do if Nick had never come home. 

Finally the anticipation was too much and he swung the door open and stepped out onto the porch. There in the driveway, sat Nick’s dark green truck. Kevin felt himself sag against the doorframe. Nick had come home. Somewhere in the house was his beautiful lover. While nothing had been fixed, just the knowledge that he had come home was enough to spark hope inside of Kevin. He stepped back into the entryway and closed the door behind him. He turned towards the stairs and taking them two at a time, he hurried up to see if Nick was in their bedroom. 

Once he reached the door he was suddenly terrified to open it. The door had been left open when Kevin had gone downstairs last night. The fact that it was closed now only could mean that Nick was inside. He was terrified to face him, what if this time really had been the last straw for the younger man. What if he had no interest in making up or making this work. Oh god what if he was at this very moment, on the other side of the door packing his things? Kevin felt his breathing quicken and his heart begin hammering in his chest. What if he tried to say goodbye? What if he tried to leave again? Nick was the single most important thing in Kevin’s life. He had done a really shitty job of showing that lately, but he was determined from here on out that he would make sure that never happened again. He had to find a way to make Nick stay, to want to work this out. 

Mind made up, Kevin turned the handle to their bedroom door, silently cheering when it turned in his hand. He opened the door and quietly stepped inside. There, sprawled out across their bed, Kevin’s pillow clutched tightly in the younger man’s arms, slept his angel. The air shifted and Kevin felt his breath catch. Why would he ever deny this creature anything, most of all his time? Kevin needed to get down on his hands and knees and thank whatever higher power existed that this creature, this gorgeous, loving man would ever even want to be in his presence, let alone love or be loved by him. 

Kevin crossed the room as quietly as he could. He had no idea what time Nick had finally come home and no clue as to how much sleep he’d managed. Perching on the side of the bed, Kevin carefully reached out and brushed the golden blonde locks off his forehead, craving the feel of the silky soft strands beneath his fingers. Nick’s pursed lips allowed the smallest of sighs to escape as he breathed in and out rhythmically in his sleep. Kevin took several minutes to study the young love. There were dried tear tracks muddling his cheeks and his eyes, even in sleep, looked red and swollen. Kevin kicked himself mentally again for ever providing any shred of anguish to this man. Unable to help himself, Kevin leaned down and brushed his lips ever so gently against Nick’s plush red ones. He kissed him softly two or three more times, getting lost in the feeling he was so scared would disappear before his very eyes. When he pulled back he was startled to see Nick’s blue eyes open and focused in on him. 

“Hi,” he said softly. 

Nick struggled to sit up, releasing the pillow from his death grip and using his arm to push himself into a sitting position. “Hi.” he answered, his voice raspy and thick with sleep. 

Kevin reached out again, brushing away the hair that had fallen in Nick’s face and then cupping his cheek with his palm. Nick pushed his face further into the embrace, making Kevin’s heart lift. He took this as a good sign and leaned in again, brushing his lips against Nick’s. This time Nick responded, kissing him back soft and slow before pulling away. They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home. I just needed some time.” Nick said softly, breaking their intense gaze and staring at their bedspread. 

“Oh Nicky.” Kevin started. “You have nothing to be sorry for, baby. This is all my fault, all of it. I’m so sorry I reacted out of frustration and said something that I didn’t even mean. I regretted it instantly and I’ve been so scared since the moment you left that you’d never be able to forgive me, that you wouldn’t want to stay for real.”

“Why?” 

The word slipped from the young man’s mouth so quietly, Kevin wasn’t sure if he’d actually heard it or had been hallucinating. Kevin reached for the younger man’s hand, not sure if Nick would even let Kevin hold it. Nick accepted the touch and laced their fingers together while he gazed up at him. 

Kevin cleared his throat. “I don’t have an answer for you Nick, not really. I had a lot of time to think while you were gone and I’ve tried, desperately, to come up with a reason for my actions and I can’t. I was trying to read through some legal documents and being interrupted frustrated me and I lashed out. I am not excusing my behavior. It was completely unacceptable and I don’t blame you at all for leaving or being mad. I’ve let work become too much of a priority and it’s pushed you to the back burner and I will never be able to apologize enough for that. I am so sorry Nicky. You are the most important thing in this world to me and I know I’ve done a shit job of showing you that lately, but I swear baby, if you give me a chance I will spend every day for the rest of my life treating you the way you deserve to be treated. I love you.”

Nick listened intently to Kevin’s plea, small tears sliding down his pale cheeks. “I love you too.” he mumbled through the emotion welling up in his throat. “It just really hurts me when you call me childish or immature. It takes me right back to that place where all we did was fight when I was younger. It makes me feel like everything we have is a lie. It makes me feel like you don’t see me, not as a man or a partner, but as some ward you’re responsible for. You're not my parent Kevin, you’re supposed to be my boyfriend. You’re my everything and when you say things like that it just tears me up inside.” The tears were coming quicker now, too many for Nick to keep control of himself. He tried to keep his gaze locked on Kevin’s but the steady stream of wetness made his eyes blur and he had to look down to get himself under control. 

Kevin wasted no time in wrapping the younger man in his arms, running us hands up and down Nick’s back. “I’m so sorry Nicky.” he kept whispering over and over again as he hugged the man close to him. It was breaking his heart to know he’d hurt the younger man this way. 

Nick worked hard to control his emotions and after several moments pulled away. “I believe you. I just want to move on. I want to put it behind us. I love you, I’ll never stop loving you. I just need you to understand where I’m coming from and how much your words have meaning.” Nick said softly, finally able to meet Kevin’s eyes again.

Kevin nodded. “I understand baby. I swear to you right now I will do everything in my power to never make you feel that way again. I love you so much.”

The two lovers held each other, trying desperately to push the dark feelings of the previous night as far away as possible. Kevin rocked them gently, basking in the feeling of holding the love of his life so close. He dropped a kiss against Nick’s head and closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of the younger man. His eyes flew open as he felt Nick pull away from him. “Hey Kev?”

Kevin glanced down at him, smiling gently at the coy look on Nick’s face. “Yes, baby?”

“Do you remember when I said you had to understand that your words have meaning?”

Kevin’s brows furrowed. Didn’t they just agree to put this all behind them? “Yes…” he answered cautiously. 

“Well,” Nick said with a small smile. “You said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me.”

Kevin stared at him for a moment before a grin covered his face. “I did, didn’t I?”

Nick’s eyes twinkled as he smiled at the other man.” You did. Did you mean it?” he asked hesitantly. 

Kevin was silent for a moment, debating on how to answer. His mind made up, he returned the wholesome smile. “With every fiber of my being.”

Nick threw his arms around Kevin’s neck and pulled him closer. He buried his face in Kevin’s neck and placed several kisses along his collarbone before pulling away and planting one right on Kevin’s mouth. 

“I love you, Kevin.” Nick said sighing contentedly as he laid his head back down on Kevin’s shoulder. 

Kevin pulled him as close as he could, loving the feeling of the other man nestled so tightly in his arms. “I love you too, Nicky.”

-

Tell me what I gotta do to make you stay...


End file.
